Foreword (Josh Hewett):
In today’s blog I have a guest post to share from a friend of mine, Paul Marsland. In his short article Paul describes how High Intensity Resistance Training has helped him overcome his darkest hour. His experience is a testimonial to the mental toughness and fortitude that is developed with this type of training and how it can help us tackle the seemingly insurmountable challenges that we face in our lives.
Guest Post By Paul Marsland
September 11th, 2011 is a date that will forever stay with me, as its the day that my Mum was taken from me. The news of her untimely death hit me like a bolt of lighting … the shock and grief was almost too much to bear. I, like many sons, was very close to my Mum; every other Sunday I would travel to her house and sit in the kitchen with her while she cooked dinner, and we would talk at length about life and things in general.
I’ve often told that I’m like my Mum in my ways and that there are certain characteristics I have inherited from her. After her death my training just went out the window as I didn’t really care about anything, such was the depth of my grief and mourning. Even while she was ill I was still training… but in reality I was just going through the motions and used it as a distraction more than anything.
Fast forward nine months to May 27th 2012: I’m sitting with my then ex-fiancee in the Accident & Emergency ward of my local hospital waiting to be seen by a doctor. This was after the previous night, when I actually contemplated taking my own life.
It wasn’t until late that I was told that I was in fact suffering from clinical depression, which had stemmed from a combination of the grief of losing my Mum as well as the separation with my fiancee. After being given this diagnosis, I was actually kind of relieved because I now knew what I was dealing with and had a better idea of how to get myself well again.
The first thing I did was to take some time off from everything, including work, training, social life… everything! I needed to put myself into a better state of mind, which due to the sheer physical and mental exhaustion I had endured, required me to rest completely. I don’t think I’ve ever slept so much in my life!
After a few weeks I began to plan a return to the gym. But first I had to re-evaluate my approach to training; the fact was that High Intensity Resistance Training, while highly effective, was simply too taxing for me at that time, both mentally and physically.
So I decided to opt for a different approach.
I made a decision to use this extra time I had on my hands to simply go to the gym and train with the goal of attaining a good muscular “pump”, while avoiding heavy weights or training to failure. I called it “training like a bodybuilder”.
My mental state prior to these workouts had been very low indeed, but I vividly recall just how good I felt (physically AND mentally) after my first workout in this new style. My physique also responded especially well and I was beginning to look the best I had in months! This further served to enhance my mental well being, as I realized how positive this was for me, in that it made me feel good about myself once again.
The next day I felt better than I had done in months! It was then that I realized I was finally on the road to recovery. This positive mental state spilled over into other aspects of my life. For example, I began to eat better as my appetite started to improve… to the point where after a few months of training like this, I weighed myself and was both elated as well as shocked to discover that I was the heaviest and biggest I’d ever been!
Anyone who knows me on a personal level understands how passionate I am about my training; it’s how people genuinely define me. Without training I felt in some ways like I’d lost my identity. For 20 years it had been a major focus in my life. Through all the ups and downs, training had remained my faithful companion. In good times and bad, I’ve always been able to rely on my training to see me through.
In addition to this, the type of training I do requires a high level of discipline and mental toughness to keep pushing when it seems the muscle can give no more. It’s this mental toughness and the determination to never quit, despite the challenge, that I believe has helped me overcome depression and deal with the loss of my mum.
We often forget that training is as much a mental thing as it is physical, and without the correct mental attitude and approach to your training your results will always fall short of what you strive for. Having the correct mental attitude is of vital importance as your body will only go were you mind leads it.
Prior to each workout it is important to have a clear plan of exactly what it is you want to get from that training session. Once you’ve completed a workout, you don’t get to go back and “redo” it… that workout is done. So don’t waste a single minute of any workout; tell yourself that THIS workout is the one in which you will get the absolute most from! Nothing less is acceptable… you are in charge of your own destiny and no one can do it for you. You’ve got to want it so bad that literally nothing will distract you or get in your way. This is a key to success with any goal, whether in the gym or in other areas of life!
My focus when training is so intense that a bomb could literally go off outside the gym and I wouldn’t notice. I focus on each and every exercise and on each rep of every exercise. Even though I wear head phones, the music is merely a means of blocking out outside influences. I’m might seem anti-social when I train, but I’m not there to make friends … I’m there to train and my time is precious.
If you train, my advice is to never take it for granted. At this point in my life I’ve actually been training for more years than I haven’t been training. It’s so deeply ingrained as part of me that I can’t even imagine the day when I will no longer be able to. But if it wasn’t for this so-called hobby of mine, there is a very real chance I might not even be here today writing this article and sharing my experiences.
My mental health is now pretty much as it should be, and I’ve been able to return to training the way I used to (High Intensity Resistance Training). When I feel that it’s getting to be too much for me to handle, instead of trying to “push through it”, I now back off a bit by returning to my “bodybuilding” workouts for a change of pace. I listen to my body and my mind and body always thank me for it.
I still have my bad days when my personal demons just seem to take over, but I’ve learned to control my cognitive thoughts and simply refuse to let things get to me. Of course it’s a struggle sometimes, but nine times out of ten I’ll win.
The reason why I wrote this article was to share my thoughts and experiences about how training has helped me in ways I never really expected it to. Hopefully it can do the same for you.
Yours in Strength,
Paul Marsland
